I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
