i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
