awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
