My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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