Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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