i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
