I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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