You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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