seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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