Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
