is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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