dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
