life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
