i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
