Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
