I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
