Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
