This girl is more easily done than said...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
