Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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