I wish I could punch you in the face.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
