i was born a porn star she said
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
