I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
