Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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