Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
