and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
