the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
