At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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