If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
