it wasn't lemon gatorade
worst night to have a conscience
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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