they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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