I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
