I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
