As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
