I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
