What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
