well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
