took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
how does that bad decision feel?
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