My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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