Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
