I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
