: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
