the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
nutella sex= disaster
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I want to fling myself into the sun
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
