I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
