youre lurking in front of me
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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