oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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