U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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