I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
