I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
