So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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