hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
