I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
last night I used snow as a chaser
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
